Stages of Grief
- Handling & Processing Grief -
The process of Grief
Grief happens when a person loses a relationship that is very significant to them. Grief can occur from death, divorce, the loss of a job, or pet and is different for each person. One may feel extremely overwhelmed or shocked right away. One could also be in denial and not feel the overwhelm or pain until weeks or months later.
The stages below are a guide to help give knowledge on the grieving process to understand it better and to find help with handling and processing grief.
Stages in the grief process
- Shock or Denial
- Pain or Guilt
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- The Upward Turn
- Work Through
- Acceptance
Shock or Denial
Shock or denial are a common defense of disbelief that numbs the intensity of the pain. Denying that the situation hasn’t happened allows for more time to process the loss. This helps to slowly absorb the reality of what is happening. One may think or say things such as “He isn’t gone, I will take him to the store tomorrow.”
Pain and Guilt
Pain and guilt can often accompany a loss. Oftentimes, one may feel that his pain or guilt maybe burdensome to others.
Anger
Anger may be in the form of bitterness or resentment (“Why did God let this happen?”) or actual outward hostility. Anger, unlike Denial, is more of a way to mask the situation to hide the pain instead of coping with it. Anger may be directed towards the person who passed, a caregiver, a disease or even an inanimate object. Thoughts may be “If he had only taken care of himself, this wouldn’t have happened.” Some people may not experience anger or move past it fairly quickly but others may remain here for a long period of time.
Bargaining
Bargaining happens when one feels a loss of control, helpless or vulnerable and wants to find away to control the situation or change the outcome. “If only” and “what if” statements are commonly used in this stage such as, “If only I had taken him to the doctor sooner.” Bargaining helps to postpone sadness, hurt, pain, confusion
Depression
Depression may set in at any time during the grief process and it a normal response, however, if it lasts too long, one may need to see a mental health professional for therapy. Signs of depression include isolation, hopelessness, excessive sleep or insomnia, lack of motivation,poor appetite or overeating, and trouble concentrating
Upward Turn
An upward turn happens when one is able to start coming out of the depression and look towards healing. One is able to start to work through what has happened and starts to put the pieces back together and find ways to move forward and into acceptance.
Work Through
The ability to move forward and start to put the pieces back together. This stage allows one to find ways to move forward and into acceptance. Working through the trauma is different for everyone. Although there may be similarities in how each person works through grief and the situations that cause grief, each situation is unique to each person. We have to find out what works for us individually. For example, a long term illness resulting in death of a loved one is processed differently than a sudden, unexpected death. Each is equally important but the reactions/process may be different due to the length of time and expectancy before each death. Further, divorce and the loss of a job is like a death to many. No matter what the situation may be, it is a separation from something important in one’s life and is devastating to that person..
Acceptance
A way to deal with the loss and a way to return to a meaningful life. Acceptance allows one to move on, whether it is from a divorce, a death, a job loss or something else significant. Acceptance doesn’t mean that the grief is over but rather that one has found a way to deal with it. Thoughts may include “I am so lucky to have been a part of her life.”
It takes courage, strength, and motivation to keep going when one suffers a great loss. If you or someone you know seems to be stuck in one stage for a longer period of time than what seems healthy, please do what you can to help that person. Offer a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear or help the person to find a counselor who can teach skills to help them accept what has happened so he can move on. Understanding the stages of grief can help one to realize he/she is normal and going through these stages will eventually help one to heal and/or accept what has happened, opening the door for a new chapter in life.